Oh Dear.

I re-fall in love with LA on the daily.

Reasons:

1. Modern Art.
2. Classical Art.
3. 24 hour internet connections.
4. Music scene.
5. Good friends.
6. Late nights.
7. LGBTQ scene.
8. Vegan restaurants.
9. Genderqueers walking the streets, checking me out.
10. Me walking the streets, checking genderqueers out.
11. Genderqueers.
12. Tribe Called Quest on the radio.
13. Biggie on the radio, followed by Pac on the radio, followed by Biggie on the Radio.

love&light
jess

On With the Grub!

While I'm home, I'm working on two main projects.

Project One: Integrate mindfulness into every moment of my life.

Project Two: Feed my mother good vegan food.

Both are large and both require a lot of my attention. In fact, Project One requires all of my attention, but we'll revisit that one at a later date. Project Two is something that I'm very blessed to be spearheading. The seeds of this tree of change took root when my mother visited me in Beijing; I cooked her 7 days of beautiful vegan fare, sparing no amount of love or skill. She was so pleased that, upon hearing of my return home, she requested that I take her meals out of my brother's meat covered hands and do for her again what i did in Beijing.

I am now lucky enough to be cooking all of my mother's meals, all vegan, and all gluten free. This is something that I've wanted to do for years, something I thought I'd have to haggle my way into if i was going to get it at all- but low and behold, patience is, if not a virtue, at least fruitful. I'm making all my mother's meals, filling them with love and wholesome nutrition. And I couldn't be happier about doing it.

Below is a menu of the last 6 or so days, to give you an idea of the how things are starting out. In fact, this is a list of everything I've made for her since we've started this venture. Everything listed is homemade by the hands and heart of yours truly, using only fresh/whole ingredients (all veg/fruit from the farmers market, grains/pulses from Whole Foods)

Thursday (today):
Breakie: Yogurt w/ ground flax/pumpkin seeds, walnuts, cranberries
Lunch: Split Pea Soup, Chickpea/avocado/tomato salad
Snack: Fiberful fruit bar from Trader Joe's, Dark Chocolate
Dinner: Oven Baked Polenta, Curried Split Pea Soup, Chard&Kale Salad w/ Peanut Dressing

Wednesday:
Breakie: Yogurt w/ ground flax/pumpkin seeds, walnuts, pear pieces
Lunch: Chickpea Salad/Curried Potatoes/Salad
Snack: Trail mix, two tangerines from the backyard
Dinner: Split Pea Soup w/ Fresh Cornbread, Shredded Beet/Sesame Salad

Tuesday:
Breakie: Asian Pear, Banana, Dried Cranberries, Walnuts
Snack: Salad w/ walnuts, cranberries, butter lettuce, lemon/EVOO dressing
Lunch: Barley Veg Soup/Salad
Dinner: Chickpea Patties w/ Curried Potatoes and Broccoli

Monday:

Breakie: Yogurt

Snack: Almonds, Cranberries, Dried Apricots

Lunch: Barley Squash Cranberry Almond Risotto

Snack: Avocado/Tomato/Chickpea Salad

Dinner: Fresh Baked Cornbread with Barley Veg Soup

Sunday:

Breakie: Miso/Avocado Rice Noodles

Lunch: Black Beans w/ Brown Rice and Shredded Beet Salad

Snack: Trail Mix

Dinner: Squash Barley Risotto (w/cranberries, celery, almonds)

Saturday:

Breakie: Pancakes! Blueberry Pancakes! Bananas, Mangos, orange juice.

Lunch: Something I've forgotten. Salad?

Dinner: Bowl of Raspberry Yogurt*, chopped bananas, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, cranberries, walnuts.

Some days we've had desserts of Cinnamin Squash Puree or Honeyed Tangerine, but I can't remember which days.

love&light
jessie, the live in health lady.

oh humidity. how i missed you.

As the sounds of rain drift in off the hong kong streets, i think i'll make a brief stop over here and issue the first post of substance in quite a while.

I've been about five different kinds of busy with the business starting, so hopefully all you avid readers (aka mom) can forgive me for being so utterly absent lately. Especially after starting up that topic and then promising interesting analysis and insight. I'm a bad blogger for disappearing so thoroughly. Truth be told we still have no internet in the hutong, and when i make the trek to the cafe it is inevitably to tweak some miniscule detail on the bakery's flier (or business card, or website, or...) so i have little patience or time left over for posting on the blog.

But now that i'm in hong kong, and as usual am awake before everyone else, i do have a chance to sit myself in front of a computer and engage in the time drain that is my blog. i'm down here for yet another visa run (damn you unwelcoming chinese government) and am staying with the friend of a friend that i met on my last run down here. He's something of a couchsurfer extraordinaire and is actually hosting four other people at the moment.

you might think that this means his place is large. it is not. two are on the living room floor, two in one bedroom, and one in another. what his place is, though, is welcoming and cozy, and he is extremely considerate. he has a laptop in the living room designated for use by surfers and a huge cupboard filled with spices people are welcome to use. keys are always in the mailbox, and it seems as though people are always welcome to come. he's got a fabulous page on the web with detailed directions to his little abode in a small village about an hour outside of downtown hong kong, and all in all he's a fabulous couchsurfing host. it's making me think a lot about community and the steps that people are taking to maintain a sense of this in the fast paced technological world.

Since yesterday was a travel day, i was fasting. now that it's morning and the rains are pouring down my body thinks some food might be nice, especially since i fly out tomorrow morning at 830am and dont arrive in beijing until 630pm....damn you, long shanghai stopover. damn you. and thus i leave you.

much love and many well wishes

jess

Life in the Fast Lane

So, I'm still five different kinds of busy with this new business. When i have some time i promise i'll pop back over here and delve with you into the folds and curvatures of philosophies concerning the female orgasm. Until then, I leave you with a question.

Is it horrible that I just described my business venture (first vegan bakery in the PRC, w00t) to my mother as "manifest destiny, but fewer dead indians"?

with this i leave you.

<3

ps. for whatever reason, similes that implicitly or explicitly reference cocaine are very appealing to me. this is odd, because cocaine is really really not (appealing to me).

Lovely.

It's ok. Crisis averted. Passport located.

I know you were all terribly worried. Couldnt sleep. Hives. Nightsweats. I'm glad to be able to to soothe your worries and calm your fears.

but more to the point...you all totally dropped the ball. i mean, i leave an engaging conversation sparking topic, tell you that i'm giving away huge hugs for the first person to form and leave a thought out opinion, and what do i get? nothing. I mean, really people. Not one of you left something? What, you think this blog is a one way street? (for those of you who are answering either A) "yes, i do think it's a one way street. thats why its a blog and not a forum, jessie." OR B) "no, i dont think its a one way street. I think it's a webpage. Nothing to do with traffic or cars." you are both correct. but thats not the point.)

you may be curious about the advancements that I've made on uncovering traditional chinese philosophical views on female orgasm. you might not care. either way, you're going to learn. And youre going to learn in installments.

Fleshing out the Myth, Part One

From my perspective, this issue of avoiding orgasm is extremely interesting (and the issue of specifically avoiding female orgasm even more so). It comes to me, at this time, from the Chinese philosophical tradition of males avoiding orgasm to preserve their ‘jing’, their essence, an immutable and irreplaceable energy (one of three kinds: jing, qi, and shen). Built into this are the obvious complications that arise in applying the same practices prescribed for males to females, and the complications in considering spiritual or intellectual ramifications of such applications. The difficulty in truly exploring such an issue lies in separating the massive weight of cultural and social opinion from your rational mind, and considering the situation from a stance hindered by nothing more than common sense. In this global society, we are all so bombarded with opinions and ideals about sexuality from such early ages that coming to a place of clear minded un-blinkered consideration is extremely difficult, in fact, I’ve often argued that it’s impossible.

I’d like to start by saying that the reason that my exploration of this is so involved is that I don’t believe any one thing can exist without consideration of all the things that came before it- each concept and idea we hold today is shaped by the myriad of opinions and climates (social, political, environmental) that predate it. Those ideals of our parents, our respective cultures, those of conquering foreign lands and domineering religions play a large role in the perceptions that are subsequently formed by us as individuals. Hell, even the whispered utterances of the kid next door effect the opinions of the matured mind. All these influences leave an indelible mark on personal theories, whether it is realized it or not. In this way, pre-conceived notions contribute to the evolution of theories and the actions of the people those theories live within. This is why as I consider the concept of male orgasm as a release of non-renewable energy sources, a dilution of the seed, even, and the connotations of this theory on female orgasm, I insist on first acknowledging the primary influences on my own sexual knowledge.

You dig?

In re-reading this, I realize that one thing I like about blogging is that I can get away with the kind of rambling that no self-respecting professor or editor would allow into a term paper or article. Take that, sentence cutters! Hoho!

And that concludes our lecture for today. Stay tuned for more riveting forays into the deep, murky universe of withholding orgasm. To come or not to come, that is the question.

Haha, ha.

jess

医生, take one.

well hello, lovelies.
what can this be, but two updates in as many days? my goodness. jessie must have too much time on her hands.

what insights will be unfurled in this post? what secrets of the universe probed? more pointedly, have these probes been sanitized?

I have to admit that I have nothing off the top of my head to post about, save that today I went to the doctor. I guess that works.

Attention! This post is now aimed towards sharing the experience of visiting a traditional chinese medicine doctor in china. I'm also going to mention that if Earth Wind and Fire had been smitten with the 24th night of September instead of the 21st night, I wouldn't have reminded everytime it plays that it narrowly misses my birthday. Man, how cool would it be to have that song coincide with your birthday? I have these thoughts EVERYTIME the song comes on. It kind of ruins it. Just a little.

That is so, so beside my point.

Today I headed over to the doctor for a little check up. My roommate Scott has an awesome doctor situated over by the JingSong subway stop, a hop skip and cab ride from the GuoMao stop in CBD. I mention the GuoMao stop cause it also happens to be beside my favorite of favorite vegan restaurants in Beijing, run by my friend Li. We swung by the Vegan Cafe and nabbed some delicacies of the cruelty free persuasion.

When you pull up to this clinic, it's in the bottom floor of a building around the corner from one of the largest libraries in Beijing (a whole floor of English language books! Goody!!). Walk straight down the corridor and you hit double doors leading into a very herb-y smelling waiting room. The lovely bit about this particular doctor is that his English is very good, and the clinic serves the Japanese speaking community as well as the Chinese and English. My particular visit was comprised of two main sections- first diagnosis and then treatment. I went into a cool back room where my doctor first asked some preliminary questions- medical history, whyd you come in today, hows your diet, any appendages burst into flame lately, etc etc. Then, to continue the diagnosis section of our visit, i had my tongue examined and lay (lied? layed?) down on a low examining table from which position the doctor took my pulse, felt my glands, and felt various assorted important places on my stomache and calves. Then he did a very interested and at this point unexplained chain reaction type thing where he had an assistant hold my hand while he grasped the arm of the assistant, and (supposedly) at some unintentional change in my hand her arm would twitch and then his arm would jump. i really have no idea what this was about. i need to ask.

maybe she just wanted to hold my hand.

anyway. this was the end of my diagnosis section. at this point i was handed over to the herbalist (the doctor who did my diagnosis was a muscoskeletal specialist), who was briefed by my other doctor and did her own short diagnosis using the meridian points in my hands a feet. Chinese Medicine is concerned, in large part, with the energies flowing through your body. Meridians are the main channels that these energies flow through, and main Meridian channels cane be found in your hands a feet. The way a Meridian check goes is, you supply your hands and feet (one at a time)to the doctor, who uses and electrical gauge (which is slowly pressed into each meridian's main point) to see how strong or weak the electrical charge is coming out of each point. This machine is hooked up to the computer which registers the electrical reactions as figures that then relate to your physical wellness (or illness) and even your family's medical history.

What, you want to know what mine said? Sigh. Well, she identified that my family has a history of hormone problems (such things as breast cancer, uterine cancer, etc), which is true of not only me, but i also think of most women at this point in time. The diagnosis also identified energy deficiency that relate to organs i've had trouble with in the past, and a few choice tidbits that I didn't entirely agree with. Apparently I have emotional problems. I'm really not sure I trust that particular diagnosis farther than I could throw the machine. Anyway.

After these things, she started treatments. this included but was not limited to some slight acupuncture and a little moxibustion. i'm sure most of us are familiar with acupuncture, but moxibustion is where small herbal compresses that very much resemble mini marshmellows are lit on fire and placed on the end of your acupuncture needles. you will feel like some kind of flesh/herb/steel specialty dessert while this occurs. the smoke from the herbs affects the energies that are being furthered stimulated by the needles, and also fills the room in some kind of smoke tastic cleansing type lung related thing.

I also got a bag full of herbs to be prepared as a tea every morning and taken morning and night for the next week. then i go back next week.

hopefully i'll be in beijing, but i think i'll probably be in shanghai. sigh.

any questions?

love you all,
jessie

Le Home.

I wrote the following entry while sitting in my room, chilling out to the grooving sounds of pre-molestation charges michael jackson. here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Well, whats been going on lately? A whole lot. Theres been a lot of travel, a lot of sickness, and a whole lot of positivity to round the whole lot out. Was in Shanghai for about a week, before that (if we recall) was Guangzhou. Now I’m back in lovely lovely Beijing until Sunday. I really wish I could stay longer. It's starting to warm up and the Hutong is turning absolutely lovely. Not that it wasn’t lovely to begin with, but now I can walk around without my face freezing, peeling off, and shattering on the floor within moments of stepping into the courtyard. it’s a rather pleasant change.

Whats it like around the hutong? Well…

In addition to the weather, my roommates are extremely lovely. I’m very blessed to live with extremely good friends who are sweet, considerate, intelligent, and challenging. Scottie, my Australian roomie, is a musician (saxophone, drums, kazoo, young lady’s heartstrings), and a fabulously intelligent motivated guy. He’s our resident tai qi master, having just started the intermediate courses from the world famous masters at Bei Hai Park. He’s been studying for just over a year now, and is getting the whole hutong on the bandwagon. And he’s on a wicked health binge with no drinking and no animal products- yay! It’s nice to have someone else around who is not into drinking, and even nicer to have another resident vegan. I love living with vegans. Ohad, my Israeli roomie, is as sweet as sweet can be, and is slowly being convinced to go vegan! Slowly but surely, he’s making the change, and turning his formidable culinary skills to the task. This man has given me some seriously amazing Israeli rock and folk music, not to mention pleased my belly with some insane veganized Israeli grub. I’m just waiting for the day that we turn into a crazy vegan cook-tastic tai qi household- it’s going to be beautiful.

In terms of the hutong itself, it’s set off from the incredibly major and busy DongZhiMen Street, tucked back in the winding myriad alleyways that Beijingers traditionally live in. It’s about a ten minute walk from the street through alleyways that house other similar courtyard homes and various assorted open air markets and small (think really small. now cut that in half, and stick in your pocket.) restaurants. The hustle and bustle of the Hutong has an extremely different feel from that of the rest of the city. It’s a neighborhood, it’s small, intimate and for the most part peaceful. The hutongs are one of the very few places in the city that you can’t hear the honk of car horns, where neon advertisement’s don’t dog your every step, and where you forget for a while that you’re in the capital of an extremely populous and consumer driven country. One of the nicest things about the hutong is that every building is one story- you can see the sky and the leaves in the trees and the sun and the moon every step home.

Have I sung the Hutong’s praises long enough? I could go on for a while, but I think you get the picture. The thing is, the city’s Hutong’s are disappearing fast. They are being torn down to build new developments, high rises and shops and streamlined apartments. A few, maybe 40 or 50 of the city’s thousands, are bound (in my opinion) to be saved, gutted and renovated, for rent to foreigners and rich beijingers in the future. Hutongs are traditionally passed down through the generations, so for a lot of Beijingers this means losing a large piece of their family culture, and it means the dissaperance of neighborhoods that are rife with life and lore.

It’s not cool, and I’m extremely thankful that I’m getting to experience the hutong lifestyle before it disappears. I wake up, look out my ground story room window at the leaves in the trees, walk out my door across the open courtyard, and make my way across a few alleys to the market. It’s just so lovely, and such a rare mode of life in modern day beijing. I'm extremely grateful to live on the ground and shop at a local un-plastic laden open air market. Sigh. So lucky.

Peace
Jessie

Yes Indeed.

Durian, sweet succulent Durian, how do i love thee?
Apparently enough to buy two of you in one day- and finish both.

Also, in other news, this morning before we jetted away from Guangzhou (tears! resentment! damn you, shanghai...) I found a market even more grand and amazing than all of the other ones I had found combined. It started out the way most of my market discoveries start. I saw an old chinese lady with a bundle of vegetables walking down the road- there! theres another one. Pretty soon, as long as you keep following the red plastic bags filled with vegetables, hunks of meat, and eggs, you find yourself in a neighborhood market.

Man, this one was epic. But I can't start to describe it, or give you my pictures. know why? I'm on the verge of sick, its late, and i want to get some sleep.

What i will do, after all the build up (oh, aren't I a tease of an blogger?) Is open up what from here on out will be a feature on Le blog. Music really gets to me, and lately I've been hearing a lot of songs that give me visceral memories. I'm a classic example of an auditory learner, something that i think ties into my extremely strong associations of times, people, and events with particular songs. I mean, I know that we all tie songs to times in our lives, but I get it bad. Like, can't listen to albums for years kind of bad. Not like, one album once in a while needs to be retired. It seems like every month I'm crossing off a few more albums I just can't, for painful nostalgia's sake, listen to. It's very inconvenient.

This having been said, since I'm being reminded so often lately, I'm going to attempt to exorcise some of these memories. I'll be putting up a little blurb and the music video for some of these. You guys can tell me if you like it. Theyll be short, and vague. So typical, eh?

All Falls Down
Kanye West, Lauren Hill

I’m in your car, and we’re driving through the cool Hawaiian air. I think it’s the H-1? The lights are blurring together cause my eyes are half open, too comfortable for complete lucidity. We’re both muttering the words to the rap, actions heavy with familiarity and repetition. The air on my skin is cool, coats me with a fine sheen of chill against the heavy warmth that’s been baked lately, by long hours landscaping, into my being. The evening air, as it always does, sings thick with promise. I push your hand.

Odd the things that stick within sensory memories.

Oh yes.

Who’s the nigger with the fastest trigger?
Shaft.

It’s a lovely evening in Guangzhou, the air crisp and chill, the music in my ear of the Isaac Hayes variety, the surroundings gracing my presence of the silly-commercial-face-wash-photo-shoot genre.

Actually, in all honesty, I dig this studio. It’s much more swank than the others I’ve been in recently- bamboo floors, nice sound system, bookcases full of photography books. Not to imply that the lovely system is being used to bump Isaac Hayes- that’s all coming to me straight from my lovely lover of a laptop. Yay for the foresight to tell which days will present opportunities that make lugging the laptop worth it.

We’ve been the last week or so in Guangzhou, which is my favorite favorite of Chinese cities. The air is heavy and damp, warm like the air back home. The streets are lined with banyan trees and the markets are superb. Did I mention the Durians yet? Cause I’ve bought one for each day I’ve been here. And the coconuts…ohh fruit, how you do send me into fits of absolute delight. Creamy, custardy, fetid fecundity…how anyone can cringe at a Durian I do not understand. Few things make me as unfailingly pleased as fresh ripe fruit. Not to mention fresh, ripe vegetables. Let’s not even get started on fresh, ripe people.

Though, all jokes aside, as I was eating my Durian today I started to ponder one of those Durian or sex kind of questions. The thing I like most about fruit is, it loves me without expecting anything in return. Maybe I shouldn’t be revealing that there was even a contest between sex and eating fresh fruit. Maybe that’s just a little too far off the deep end…

Enough of that…what is Guangzhou all about? Well, it’s in Guangdong, which is where pretty much everything you buy that has a little ‘Made in China’ stamp somewhere on it is made. It’s also where most commercials, tv shows, and print ads are shot. As a result of these two insidious characteristics, everything in Guangzhou is simultaneously for sale and on sale. However, in contrast to Hong Kong, this does not lend to Guangzhou a commoditized, cloying air of consumerism. I think it’s because of all the trees. Or the fresh fruit stands. Everywhere. Whatever it is, I’ve been able to prance around this city non-stop for the last week and feel quite fulfilled. Shoots, both commercial and print, mean lots of time to amuse myself, which means hours of uninterrupted exploring. I’ve come across winding, wide banyan covered boulevards and cramped narrow alleyways lined with glowing over spilling shops. These two things within walking distance of each other cinch the contest of Jessie’s favorite city.

I think the alleys amaze me most. They wind deep into residential neighborhoods, tiny and cramped, and along their seemingly endless length are lined with all manner of fruit, spice, electronic, and odds/ends stands. They bustle and overflow with throngs that clearly walk these particular cobble stones daily, live a stones throw away, and are about their regular business. Buildings loom 5 to 6 stories on either side, wide windows thrown open tempting a breeze of the thick air. It’s just so inviting and luscious. Full of life. Full of movement. Fresh and unfettered.

As for the markets, well, you’ll find things in Guangzhou markets that you’ll be hardpressed to find anywhere else in china. I mean, I was under the mistaken impression that I had been to well stocked markets in Beijing and Shanghai, but I think no Chinese open air market connosieur can even call themselves such until they’ve stepped foot inside one of Guangzhou’s many amazing specimens. I’m talking fresh coconuts to fresh alligator to scotch bonnets to sour sap fruit to cured dog to purple kale to traditional Chinese medicinal cupping done with hand carved bamboo cups and a tea foot bath while you’re waiting for the rest of your party to finish up purchases for dinner. Word life.

I’m now listening to Balkan Gyspy Beats on my laptop while the little lady is showcasing herself in a red shift dress and unfurling a Chinese New Year scroll. Such is life.

Jessie

Ps. I find well toned arms are alluring.

mmm.

hey all.

just a big fat piece of LOVE for all you in readership land.

THIS BIG.

give you talks of substance later, promise!

J

Silence

It snowed this morning. So much for spring, and warmth.

I've just gotten to work (at 2 in the afternoon), and am sitting in the dining room of my students house browsing the internet in blessed solitude. The rest of the entourage is still sleeping- from the devastation of clothing, accessories, paperwork and shoes that is currently reigning unchallenged in the rest of the apartment I can only assume that everyone was up until all hours packing. Today we're leaving for a 3 month stint in Shanghai. I can only imagine what a movie star needs to tide herself over for three months away from her walk-in closet and floor to ceiling makeup cabinet. I mean, i've seen the mammoth suitcase that harbors 2 week's worth of necessities and as such i shudder to consider the planning, sorting, and stuffing that comprises preparations for a 3 month sojourn. poor assitants.

anyway, what i'm really trying to get at, what i'd like to give you a glimpse of through the haze of my cyclical musings and convoluted syntax, is how nice some moments of my day are. walking into the apartment at 2 in the afternoon and finding not a bustling scene of assitants, secretaries, and cooks, but rather the thick cottony hush that falls over a space when bodies still within it. On a day like this I will usually walk to the kitchen, brew a mug of warm tea and curl up on the couch with my latest novel- today i'm trading that novel for the novelty and letting you all in on one of the mercifully peaceful moments that occaisionally, unexpectedly, grace my schedule.

So here I sit, the new atmosphere album in my ear buds and a glowing little monitor in my face. Below is what i'm listening to right right now. It reminds of the problems that riddle an alarmingly large percent of the population of the most prosperous nation on the planet. it's what i'm playing at the moment and if you want to play it too, you can.



love you guys
jess

lovely day

So I'm sitting again in the business center of this hotel, staring out the curtains at the dreary sky and writing a small love note to all you out there in readerland.

the weather, beauteous though it may be, is apparently not condusive for shooting a movie. the fog won't lift off the mountains and the droplets won't stay in the clouds. i mean, i love it, but the film crew is less thrilled. i'm still trying to book my flight to hong kong, which is proving to be difficult. we're in a rather secluded area in southern china and apparently the only two airports with international flights are equidistant from our current location- about a three hour drive. and, with the rain, no one is sure if we're going to stay and wait it out or opt to move to the next location (a beach!) and then return here in a week or so to wrap up. so i don't know where we'll be and which airport to fly out of. but enough of my griping, cause i'm sure i'll figure it out. or, i might get kicked out of country and banned from returning for overstaying my visa. those are both options.

what else? like i said, when i get to hong kong i'll send out a few more emails and replies- with 12-18 hour days it's a little hard to drag myself to the business center to sit in front of the monitor. lately it's sleep vs. send emails, run vs. send emails, or buy fruit vs. send emails. i think you guys can all guess what wins out in most of those battles. and if you cant, you can use your collective inboxs as a clue.

unless youre my mom. she still gets emails. right mom? right.

anywho, its beautiful outside, so im going to go frolic next to the lake in the fog. fog fog. i love fog. mist! mist is better. this is mist, not fog. mmm, mist.

love
jessie

新年快乐！

It's New years in china, there are fireworks and firecrackers everywhere.

And this is stuck in my head:



Love you guys, more posts when i'm in Southern China. I leave tomorrow!

Videolovenote

Quick Note

This is what is going through my head, most of the day.

Love/luz
Jess

Ache

Today, I'm back in Beijing after oh so long spent in Southern China.
This means that I have more access to the intertubes, but also that I have more things in my schedule than work/sleep/work/sleep/work/sleep/shower. Which means I have more time to post, but less will to. Hmm.

Since I'm at the end of a second day of detoxing, I'm sleepy and a little crabby. To cut through this, I've put up some pictures for you all to look at of the Hutong and some roomies. Huzzah!

OMG PICS

lovelove
jess

A little Me for some of You

I don’t usually do lists and questionnaires, but this one is more of an exercise. An exercise, at that, that I think everyone should take a little time and do. It’s taken from The Televisionary Oracle by Rob Breszny, a book that I also think everyone should read. Please? I put it up here not cause I think you care, but cause I hope you’ll do it too.

"Now it's time, beauty and truth fans, to test how receptive you are to further immersion in the Drivetime.Please answer as many of the following questions as you can. Work with ferocious intensity and/or gentle reflection. Don't push on till you're exhausted, but try to come as close to total combustion as you can.Be innocently truthful and spontaneously thoughtful, or else gratuitously sarcastic and recklessly flippant. If you find yourself responding with ideas that you used to believe but don't any more, abandon them and start over.Take advantage of this rare opportunity to be creative and authentic for no reason. Don't save yourself for "something better.""

1. What did you dream last night?I dreamt that…that I was in love with an astronaut that I was also acquaintances with, who was alive simultaneously in the 70s and the present. He helped me to hijack a shuttle and wait to send it into outer space for about half a month, so that we could expose the heresies of those in control. But I think in the end it turned out he had a lady.

2. What image or symbol represents the absolute of your desires?I’m not sure I believe in an absolute of my desires. Plus, if I did and if it had a symbol, it would be far too easy to lose.

3. In what ways has your fate been affected by invisible forces you don't understand or are barely aware of?My fate is always affected by those invisible forces. For instance, me right now sitting in this hotel room in southern china working as I do and living like I do…who knows what exactly it was that made me buy that plane ticket that Sunday in Hawaii? Something hit me, and I did it. Why did I apply to that specific ad on the Beijinger that put me in contact with the woman who happened to know about this job? Everyday I live is affected by those forces. Take today for example- I ate an unusually starchy breakfast and as a result didn’t get carsick on the drive I didn’t know we’d take into the mountains. I call that the influence of inexplicable forces. I love those forces, and I hope to sync with them in more and more luscious ways.

4. Tell a good lie.Good? I am a fire breathing snake monster of the deep come to exorcise you and me of all the insecurity that holds us back from being vigorously alive, every millisecond.

5. What were the circumstances in which you were most dangerously alive?Living with my best friend, running around in her beat up car blasting fat beats, scaring ducks all day and dancing all night.

6. Are you a good listener? If so, describe how you listen. If not, explain why not.I am a good listener- I listen sensitively, compassionately, and also rationally. I’m going to tell you precisely what I think when you’re done talking, except I won’t judge you while I do it. I realize that inside your story, there is a lesson- one for you, and one for me.

7. Compose an exciting prayer in which you ask for something you're not supposed to. I’m not supposed to ask again to go back to Beijing, but I want to! Please please please boss woman who pays me make the decision to take me back to Beijing before the 5th so I can see Sophie and treat her to dinner.

8. What's the difference between right and wrong?There isn’t one, there is only a difference in perspective.

9. Name something you've done to undo, subvert, or neutralize the Battle of the Sexes.I live everyday not as a woman, not as a man, but as myself. I reject the idea that any person needs to act anyway because they happen to have one kind of reproductive part or another in their pants. And I fall in love with people, not with characteristics, tendencies, or habits. I strive to be beautiful because I’m true, not because I’m good at disguising my faults with accessories. And I love the faults I find in others, passionately and without limit.

10. Have you ever witnessed a child being born? If so, describe how it changed you.I witnessed myself being born, does that count? I haven’t been able to pull up the memories yet though, so I can’t describe it to you at the moment.

11. Compose a beautiful blasphemy that makes you feel like crying.I’m going to take this opportunity to exercise my right to not feel like doing something, and instead peel an orange.

12. What do you do to make people like you?I used to flirt with everyone, but I’m trying to move away from that. Now I listen to people and try to think of everyone I encounter as my brother or my sister.

13. If you're not familiar with the Jungian concept of the "shadow," find out about it. If you are, good. In either case, give a description of the nature of your personal shadow.The nature of my shadow is confused and indecisive. She relies too heavily on others, and can make no decisions of her own. She only creates after regurgitating other’s work.

14. Talk about three of your most interesting personalities. Give each one a name and a power animal.A. Dolores- Dolores loves running up hills. She loves being playful and skipping down the street on every other stone- the way you did when you were a kid. Her power animal is an otter. She likes to mismatch striped patterns.Gretchen- Gretchen is a power lesbian, androgynous though leaning towards the feminine. Her power animal is a great, hulking black bear who also pirouettes through the woods like a prima ballerina.Hilda- Hilda is a witch who lives in the forest, knows exactly what is wrong with you but doesn’t really care. If you go and ask really nicely Hilda’ll put on an act to scare you and then give you exactly the herbs you need to be cured. All of Hilda’s herbs are a mixture of potent forest plants and reverse psychology. Hilda’s power animal is a tyrannosaurus rex, and Hilda prefers to be referred to as a male. The last lover to know for sure if Hilda has male bits or female bits flew away on the wind a century ago, so no one today is really knows.

15. Make up a dream in which you lose control and thereby attract a crowd of worshipers.I’m in China, on the set we’re currently shooting at. Far away into the mountains, an hours drive out of the city, next to a clear and bustling stream. One day, on set, I do precisely what it is I’ve been yearning to do for the past weeks. I shed all of my clothes and dive into the river naked, luxuriating in the icy cold purification. People on set are at first controlled by their conditioning, and horrified…then they come around and set about shedding their insecurities and hopping into the water. I never have to spend another day on set standing around, but am allowed to explore to my hearts content so long as I return at meal time.

16. Name your greatest unnecessary taboo and how you would violate it if it didn't hurt anyone.I’d be naked more of the time. If no one was plunged into inner turmoil because they’ve been conditioned by society to sexualize the body, I’d be naked around pretty much everyone I know. Unfortunately, people these days think that nakedness = some form of sexual attraction or implication, so I can’t do it around everyone with out stirring up trouble. As of right now, only my best friend, lovers, and mother are so lucky as to have a completely comfortable Jessie in their presence.

17. Give an example of how smart you are in the way you love. How smart I am doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m particularly smart, right? Cause I need to start this off by mentioning that I don’t find myself overly intelligent in that area. But I am passionate- I guess I’ll chalk that up to smartness. I’m smart enough to (most of the time) not let trivializations get in the way of how passionate I feel for anyone, even myself. And I don’t play games.

18. What ignorance do you deserve to be forgiven for? None! I’ll own all of them and their consequences. On the other hand- All. How can I be held accountable for something I didn’t know?

19. What was the pain that healed you the most?I would have to say the pain that came right before I came to China the first time…It made me face all the other pains, which were more epic in scale than that one. It spiraled me into myself and made me realize that above all, the only one that hurts me is me.

20. Make a prediction about yourself.I’m coming into myself and will not give up on any project until I’ve learned everything I need to learn or until it becomes counter productive to continue with it. I’ll learn how to say “I” so strongly that I can truly be the “I that Loves to Say I Love You”, and I’ll stop trying to get others to make my decisions for me.

***EXTRA CREDIT***In the ancient Greek epic, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe. In a famous scene, Circe uses magic to turn the men into pigs. Later, though, in an episode that's often underemphasized by casual readers, she changes them back into men--only they're stronger, braver, and more beautiful than before they were pigs. Tell an analogous story from your own life

In memory.

My family is not a very religious one, nor are we beholden to many traditions. Holidays pass by with maybe a phone call or two, a dinner with the family members living closest, but no reunions or trans-America flights. We have never, in my remembering, had a large Thanksgiving dinner or a house piled high with relatives on Christmas morning. Most of us prefer a quiet celebration with those closest to us to a large, raucous party. In this respect, we are all remarkably similar. Reclusive and private though this may seem, in my mind it has always belied the fact that we are always in each others hearts, and no distance can separate us.

My mother has 5 brothers, and my father also 5 and 2 sisters, most of whom lived within a half an hour of each other in my childhood. There is no lack of family to go around- my life abounds with uncles in particular and two loving aunts. Visits to Portland (where mother and father met and married) were always full of rushing around trying to see all the family before I had to go home to LA. 10 uncles, 2 aunts, a great aunt and two grandmothers that you see twice a year will do that to your vacation. Even though we don't get together on holidays or birthdays, though all of our family members are not physically present, we all know we're together in spirit.

Now, as I mentioned in the above paragraph both of my parents come from large families. My grandmother on my mother's side came from Oklahoma, then moved to Portland with her four sisters and brother. I'm not sure what growing up with that many siblings would be like, let alone that many sisters, but I can only imagine that it would have been both difficult and rewarding. For her part, my grandmother came out of it with a fighting spirit, one that she passed on in a lesser portion to all of her children, and if i'm any indication, her grandchildren as well. I say in a lesser portion not to play down the saucy boldness we all seem to share, but rather out of reverence to my grandmother's unflinching, insurmountable moxy. The woman made things happen, she made things work. With 6 mouths to feed and husbands that were in and out of the picture, I suppose she had to. My grandmother was a woman you didn't cross, if you knew what was good for you. That being said, she made sure all of my uncles and my mother had what they needed growing up- they may have been poor, but had food, they had clothes. They had someone to drive down to the station and bail them out of jail after a failed underage cross country attempt or a fight with a police dog (see what i meant about fighting spirit?). She was a strong, tough woman. With 6 children and a constantly moving Aleutian lumberjack husband, she would have had to be.

I loved my grandmother. She would sass me, she would tease me and joke, and she was an ornery old lady. Wiley and belligerent, not to mention a reputed fox in her youth, she was a force to be reckoned with. I remember visiting her as a little girl, being subjected to the usual cheek cupping and hugging. My grandmother loved jewelry, and what most stands out in my memory, like many people's memories about their grandmothers, is her hands. Soft, wrinkled and covered in rings. Emerald rings were her favorite, and she had them in spades.

This post is for my grandmother. It's for my mother, it's for my uncles. I'm in China right now, and when i called home last night and the first thing my brother said was 'Mom's flown to Portland', i knew something was wrong. I wish i could be with all of you, but I can't. I wish I could be with you all to celebrate her life, but I'll be having my own celebration for her in China. I don't think there is any more appropriate way to honor my Grandmother's spirit than to keep on the way she would have- making things work in the best of times and the worst of times. Things are far from easy right now in China, but if I learned anything from my Grandmother, it was that you can make things work by sheer force of will. She may not have been an apple pie style grandmother at home in the kitchen all day, but she was her own woman, strong and resilient, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

My family doesn't celebrate the way most families do. We don't do large holidays, we don't like memorials either. We live in the vein of celebrating the life, not mourning the passing. I love you grandma. I'll miss you. You were beautiful, and you were strong. I hope that I can always be as strong and capable as you were. I know when things are difficult for me, I can think back to you, and know that you, like my own mother, knew how to make things work. This part of my spirit i can trace back to you.

All my love to all my family,

Jess

Excelllent

This post comes to you from my insulated and well heated room, in the middle of a dark hutong in Beijing.

I'm sorry i haven't been posting too much of late, but ive been running around town trying to get work and trying not to freeze and trying not to be sick.

So far only one of those has been accomplished, and it's only been kind of sort of accomplished halfway. I've got a little work but not a whole lot- thats something that will hopefully change soon enough. I've definately frozen many times over, and only truly manage to defrost moments before i am forced to re-submerge myself in the icy outdoors that currently compromise all of northern china. as for the sicksies part, well, i'm not as sick as i could be! hurrah! i'm going to keep saying that until the day i get another kidney stone. to me that will hold as the epitome of horrid, horrid illness.

on the upside i'm having a swanky coat tailor made for me in a lovely dark, dark blue. it's going to come down past my knees and once i have it HOHO! look out world. Jessie just might be warm. All i need now are gloves, socks, and boots. Yahtzee!

So as much as i love you all and miss you, im going to lay down now and go to sleep so that i can work on eradicting the last of my jetlag and attempt to overcome my illness before it gets too nasty.

love&luz
jessie

The jing.

Oh goodness.

Lets start off by giving a huge round of applause to Korean Air, which provided me with the most enjoyable 10 hour flight i've ever had. Not only did i have a row of 5 seats all to myself (ALL TO MYSELF), but i had two correctly vegan meals, a warm and large blanket, headphones provided, a travel kit including thick woolen socks, a toothbrush, and a mentholated (MENTHOLATED) eyemask graciously given me, free alcohol (only some wine to help me sleep, nothing like what went down that first flight to china...) but the bathroom was huge and included a full length mirror. Yay for Korean Air.

The layover in Seoul was grey and uneventful. I was accosted by some Christians in the Seoul airport, which was a little alarming. Besides that, the airport was much like both Beijing and Narita. More like Narita, cause the new portion of the Beijing airport is so large and cold feeling, but both Seoul and Narita feel cozier and have more bustling shops.

Getting to Beijing I took the new subway train from the airport into the city (so convenient) and then with a few transfers was being met by Scottie at the trainstation. We navigated through some seriously serious hutongs, and then found ourselves at his little home away from home. It's so beautiful. You walk into a courtyard through red double doors (which are standard in Beijing hutongs) in the middle of which grows and immense oak tree. The rooms all radiate off the courtyard, including a kitchen and two bathrooms. Theres Wifi. Theres heating. Theres lovely peace and quiet in the middle of Beijing. It's beautiful. I'm so pleased- theres even a rooftop patio!

Sigh. When i'm feeling more up to it i'll describe how the walls in the courtyard are covered in Indian-esque murals of various Goddesses and the rooms are filled with antique wood furniture (the owner, apparently, used to run an antique shop). I can't imagine a more lovely place to be staying.

Well, maybe if i could ship a few certain someones over from Hawaii, and set up a similar flat for my folks across the way, then i could. But then i wouldnt be making new lifelong friends and i'd be mired in the comfort of familiarity, so i suppose this is better anyway :)

miss you guys and love you
jess

Stereo

killed the live performance artist?

anyway, this little quickie is coming at you directly from the inner sanctum of an overly air conditioned (life is better refrigerated, goddamn it!) coffee shop in honolulu. It comes to you as i wait for someone to return with a car and then take me to a different food selling type place. As such, this post may end abruptly. Oh the spontaneity!

What is going on lately, you ask? Not much, I answer. On the short walk from the bus stop to my current location, I began to think about my frame of mind when iʻm working my ass off for my money (which is different and better than working my ass for my money) and when iʻm lolly gagging (which sounds like a dirty dirty past time) about. Its much easier to think that the world is made of rainbows and...oh god. the ride is here.

this will be continued and expanded at a later date.